a chance to change or stay the same

I am totally disappointed and underwhelmed. I don’t even want to talk about it, but I just don’t know how to express this feeling of mine nonetheless, without bragging about it and looking awfully lame, though the fact is I definitely am lame. So, I think it’s better for you and me to skip the rambling part, and move forward to what I was doing for the rest of this daylight. Actually, I was trying to focus on studying my statistic inference subject for Monday’s quiz, when the urge of blogging burst in, and I couldn’t even manage to cease, but started to write all these junks down.

I spent almost hours by frigging around, merely doing nothing specifically worthwhile or beneficial for life, yet throwing myself into these whole blogging things. Furthermore, I’m totally into photoshop things for now, and though I’ve been using this great application for some passing years, I still am a newbie. So, here I am, presenting you some of my photoshoped photos, which were taken from my yesterday’s family outing. I am neither an adroit photographer nor a talented artist; thus no wonder if the combination of my photography and photoshop skill is totally crap, but still I love the result. I am being weird, I know.

Today, I sat along with my father, barely watching a somewhat TV program, when my dad instantaneously told me that he was feeling bored and so fed up with the jobless status he is currently in. Well, my father is on his holiday right now, the fact is he is not REALLY jobless. I gazed at him, with a real huge question mark drawn in my face. I just couldn’t get his statement, even more when he added by asking me whether I was bored to tears with this off-duty situation. I replied his question by telling him that I wasn’t bored at all, and I was enjoying this precious holiday. I told him that I wish holiday were forever, which made him ended up with a smile. The end. So the conclusion is, I think my father perceived me as an immature adolescent, and I am not blaming him, since the fact is I am.

P.S It’s a quick last note for my ex-chemistry lab’s partner, Mr. Arvan Rausyan Fikrie. You can be anywhere far distance, but still you are my dear friend. I sincerely wish you all the best in life, and purely hope things worked out as you map them out. I am going to miss you, dude. I really am going to.

when we're busy making our plans, God laughs

One word. Camwhore. So yeah, I am transforming into a loopy loony camwhore, and though it wasn’t entertaining whatsoever for you to see these random shoots of mine, but I found it much way engrossing for me to play around with my Mac’s photo booth. Do I have to state how much I love my Mac? 

Today, I hung out with my family, and I love this moment so much. First, we went to an electronic shop to buy a scanner for my sister, well, she’s currently having some important college’s projects, which need her to scan a lot, hence my father decided to buy her one. Second, we paid a visit to my mother’s aunty, who is automatically one of my grandmothers. Not much to say, because they were speaking Chinese all the time, which practically made me an absolute outsider since Chinese isn’t my major language. Third, we had a real delightful supper in Jayakarta street vendors. Oh, how much I love this day. Though I didn’t shop for anything and a bit moneyless, still I love this day, since the family togetherness is the most prominent thing for me.

P.S I’ve never been so into Batik, though I’m Indonesian, but I love this scarf so much. My parents gave it as souvenir from their latest trip to China. Kind of weird, since they bought some batik pattern’s scarf from China, inasmuch the origin of Batik is our country, Indonesia. Well, I have to admit, that the quality is better.

smile though your heart is crumbling

Models: Malgosia Bela, Sophie Srej and Evelina Mambetova

Stylist: Jacob K

Photography: Tim Walker

I really have nothing to be posted, so I decided to post these eerie photographs of America Harper's Bazaar's editorial. Well, it seems like Halloween is here already, doesn't it?

source: fashion gone rogue

let's leave this place, let's leave no trace

Freja Beha Erichsen.

Well, she might be the strongest reason for me to be a lesbian.

You don't think I am serious, do you?

source: modelcouture

let go of the parts of life you honestly don't want

There is nothing to be talked. I just want to share these photographs I grabbed from Cobra Snake with you, people. Do I seriously need to tell you how much I adore Alexander Wang?

P.S I don't have any camera with me by now, because my father took all the cameras I have with him, so I ended up left with only camera phone, which I literally hate to take photo from it. Well, I have to say, that the quality is killing me.

source: Cobra Snake

it's sad when people you know become people you knew

Every so often, I felt despondent and down-spirited as if I were the lowest of the low, and I particularly felt like everything in this world suddenly became unfamiliar, which I hardly recognized. It seemed like I were a total stranger in a strange world that I have never fitted in to the right place for all this time, and I couldn’t even help myself sane when that feeling started off wreaking havoc in my mind. I have always been trying to please everyone, but as what’s been said, we just can’t please everyone in this entire world, so I ended up facing the reality that no matter how hard I tried to be nice, there would always be someone left disappointed.

Well, I am being another sentimental lamebrain for this round, and I deeply apologize if my petty rambling nauseated you, people. I abundantly feel disappointed at this moment that I can’t take it anymore. I purely want to be a nice person, and I had done everything to be buoyant enough to make other feel good, but the fact is, I am not appropriate enough to be accepted by someone I thought my friend.

P.S Please, don’t play me for a fool, and take my friendship for granted. It really bummed me out when you ripped off my trust, and the fact that you are supposed to be my friend, but you are not, totally made me ruin. I’m off.

source: mkat21

you don't know how you are making me feel

Happy Monday, people. Well, it’s a matter of fact, which I have to say that I don’t like Monday, like the most of other people out there, but hey, I am just a real ordinary girl who has too much things to be thought. So, here I was, thinking why do I hate Monday the most from all weekdays, and I came up to conclusion, that I simply don’t like the fact that I have to get through all the line-up activities in the following days, plus the imagination of me working like a Trojan.

Like I have mentioned before, that it is Monday, which means, besides the fact that it is the day before Tuesday and following Sunday, but also the day of my parents’ departure to China for kicking off their once a year holiday. Oh my God, it has just been a few hours since they set off for China, but I miss them already. Actually, I don’t want to think of myself missing my parents as though there were no tomorrow, and I have to stop myself missing them as if I would never see them again in lifetime. I may have overstated my feelings, but who cares, it’s my personal rambling after all.

Enough for being a sentimental fool, I just want to share my photo with you. It’s what I wear to school today. 

if the world ends, i think we could just laugh just enough to not die in pain

Updates of my life:

- My parents are leaving for Republic of China in the next two days, and I sort of feel miserable due to the fact that I’m going to miss them quite terribly.

- My brother is now on Facebook, and I feel pretty annoyed by him using this social network application, even though I’m one of the Facebook user. Well, I have to admit that I am kind of a protective sister.

- My leadership lecturer is driving me bonkers, that he should quit trying to be attractive or entertaining or whatever, which the fact is, he is definitely not.

- I’m a bit skint right now, that I need cash by the truckload. The problem is I couldn’t ask for money to my parents, since they have given me pocket money for this week, and there is no way for me to rob a bank. Another silly thought, I know.

- I know I’m being ludicrous immature person, but I wish Santa Claus were real, so I could beg him for granting my wishes for making holiday to be lasts forever.

- I need a haircut, but I’m trying to grow my hair out once again. Well, it would be extremely hard for me, for not to break my promise as I have always committed again and again.

- I have been missing someone out there. He might never know, and I will never tell a thing. Maybe he would read, maybe he wouldn’t, but still, I miss him. 

Quick last note before I am taking a leave, I promise myself to be a better blogger, not the perfect one, but still I want to give it a try to be any better. 

P.S Life isn’t like a vending machine. When you get screwed over, you can’t demand your money back.

Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf. Perfection.

let's run away forever

To be frank, I supposed to study Budget Analysis for the tomorrow’s quiz by this minute, but instead of squeezing myself into my notebook; I played with my brother’s tee shirt. Actually it was his, until it was handed down to me an hour ago. It was not a surprise anyway, because I have asked him to pass on this tee shirt before, but still I thanked him for granting me permission to have one of his favorite tee shirts. Yes, this tee shirt is my brother’s best-loved ones, and I pretty felt bad when he gave away this tee shirt to me, nevertheless it is not my fault if he is increasing in size, which caused that given tee shirt no longer fit him in.

I love this tee shirt, and I love my brother. Well, it is the fact that I have a kind of weird relationship with my brother, whereby we got easily tensed up with each other's temper, and in the other way around we could be a real good partner in some quirky random ways.

P.S Before I finally forget all the things in this whole world, I merely want the memory of me loving my brother deeply stays in my mind. And for the last, thank you.

i need somewhere to begin

School is getting busier these days, and I still am struggling to fit in with my subjects, and believe me, it’s not as easy as it sounds to blend in with the new style of study, since I got some particular subjects which are not related with science disciplines I’ve learnt for the most part in my whole life and it is kind of frustrated me at first, but I think I’ll make it out nonetheless.

I currently am thinking about the main theme of my blog at this moment, since I’ve been gradually losing my passion in blogging, and I even despised myself for blabbing on about petty whimpers in every post, which make me sounds like a huge nauseating whinger. Well, the fact is I’ve been neglecting my blog, and I desperately need an extra muse to feel the excitement and eagerness of blogging, like what I used to have back then.

P.S I miss someone out there, badly. I sincerely wish you all the best, and deeply wish we would meet in a little while.

I don't play with make-ups and sorts; hence I couldn't show you my real bare face. Well, actually it's your luck for not looking my face. Believe me, you don't want to.