raw and unedited

Sometimes, I lie on my bed, with pair of eyes wide-open, see through my ceiling as if I could see twinkling stars beneath the dark sky above. I spend half of the whole night by thinking, well not really sure if I did but I just stare at my ceiling silently and feel the loneliness around me. Suddenly, with any expectation, my eyes flooded with damn tears. I don’t feel anything but distraught, and it is extremely hard for me to stop myself not to question what I’m living for, and think maybe it would be heavenly if I just sleep and not wake up forever. I blame my age for acting out like a mental. It wakes me up to reality that age doesn’t come with maturity.

P.S A friend of mine is not telling the truth. Actually he is not lying, but still, he is hiding the truth away from me. I feel sorry for him for having such a rough time, but there’s nothing I can do to comfort him, since he decided to hush up his difficulties from me, and I am supposed to pretend that I don’t know a thing. I feel sorry for myself even more, knowing that I’m not decent enough to be his friend in good and bad times, in this case, bad times.

Additional fact: I had drafted this post on December 11^th, but foolishly forgot to post it, so here is the post, published on December 18^th.